For Chase and his father
realsoundadvise-
My dad passed away.
For the last handful of years his dementia and health problems had changed the dynamics of our relationship, but before that he was the person in the world I respected most.
He was the most intelligent man I've ever known and all at once my standard of integrity, mastery, and creativity.
I'm heartbroken. I'm relieved. I'm numb. I'm ashamed I wasn't there. I'm happy for him. that he's not trapped in that ailing body anymore and I'm really fuckin sad that I'm never gonna see him again.
I'd like to have something that I could sit with and try to feel him through. not think so much about whether he ever knew me as a man. or get stuck on the fact that my kids, when I have them, won't get to know him.
I would like to have something that i could hear him fly under that bridge to...when he got himself kicked out of the indian air force. I'd like to hear something that makes me feel him riding his Norton through the mountain roads and tea plantations where hes from. I would like to try and focus this floating, unmoored feeling that I've had since I started waking up in a world that my dads not in anymore.
I believe in what you're trying to accomplish here. I think its incredible what you're doing and I would be grateful for anything you can offer.
Travel well, Dad
- Chase
Why these songs are on here
Dear Chase
Thank you for writing to us and thank you so much for sharing your story. First, we’d like to express our sincerest sympathies and offer our condolences upon the loss of your father. As you stated in your letter, there are so many different feelings that are associated with losing a loved one, and while we know that these feelings may be overwhelming at times, we hope that the music compiled in this playlist will offer you some form of comfort, however small it may be.
Firstly, we chose Your Are Here by Yo La Tengo because this song seems like one which a person can meditate to. This playlist happens to have a couple more songs along these lines. But the title of this song in particular is meaningful to us as well. “Your are here” is something we feel is necessary to remind one’s self when facing obstacles, times of trouble, or moments of depression. By reminding yourself that this is the place that you are in can be beneficial in helping you determine what to do next.
The next two songs are in some way connected. Firstly, Townes Van Zandt’s song Be Here to Love Me is one that we included to just remind us that we all, at many different times in our lives, want and need people that will be there to love us and be there for us. We’re certain that there are people left in your life that fit that description and it’s important to know that they’ll be there for you. Going along with that is Silver Mt. Zion’s reminder to Hang On to Each Other and keep those loved ones close.
Marissa Anderson’s In Waves is another one of those “meditation songs” that we mentioned earlier. It helps sometimes to focus on both good and bad/sad feelings separately from time to time. Also, feelings of nostalgia, longing, or sadness (when associated with a loved one) can tend to come in waves, often out of the blue. That’s ok.
True Blue and Outer Inner Secret by Dirty Beaches and Do Make Say Think respectively are some more meditation-type songs. Also, True Blue has a vibe about it that we can certainly imagine someone cruising a motorcycle to.
Songs: Ohia’s Whip Poor Will is certainly a sad song. We didn’t want to put too many sad ones on here because while we know that losing a father must be a devastating experience, you can’t want to only feel sad when remembering him. But it’s also ok and good to feel sad sometimes, and that’s why we chose this one. We discovered that there are many stories & legends about the whip-poor-will bird. One of these is that they could sense a soul leaving a body and this is when they would sing their sad-sounding song.
We got help from a friend when deciding to add Ooh La La by the Faces. We asked another friend who had lost a parent in recent years if there was anything in particular that they listened to. This came came to mind immediately. Our friend explained to us that, while he believed that the song wasn’t about someone dyeing, it was about growing up. And an unfortunate part about growing up is that our parents start to leave us. That gave us a completely new perspective on the song. But, while life can throw us these moments of tragedy and difficulty, it’s also important to remind ourselves what Joey Ramone says, that Life’s A Gas. Simply put, and in pure RAMONES fashion, that’s the message, “life’s a gas”.
Lastly, we conclude the mix with the song Cancion Mixteca sung by Harry Dean Stanton. This song comes from the documentary about Harry Dean entitled Harry Dean Stanton: Partly Fiction. The man was someone that we were fascinated with. He managed to do a lot in his lifetime, and seemingly on his own terms. His description at the end of this song, which he describes as a blues song, can really bring with it a sense of peace when reflecting on the passing of an adventurous and free spirit.
Chase, we hope that these songs will be helpful and comforting to you. Thank you again for sharing your story and your thoughts with us.